Keeping up with the Jones

I have learned something about myself... I am not patient and I have a lot of anxiety. I knew I have always been an anxious person but when faced with a life threatening cancer and constantly having to wait wait wait for biopsy results- it was almost unbearable at times!

It is amazing though what you are capable of handling when there is no other alternative.

Now it may not seem like a long time now... but after the surgery I had to wait 4 days to hear the results of the Lymph node biopsy. This was probably the hardest wait for me, because if there were cancel cells present in the lymph nodes my stage of cancer would automatically be upgraded to a 3- and further treatment would probably be needed. This was a scary thought because then the chances of recovery decrease exponentially.

BUT- have I mentioned how truly blessed I am?!? The results were CLEAR! This means that no further surgery or treatment is necessary and the cancer is GONE! I can start to pull myself back together and move on with my life. Albeit with a new appreciation for the power of the sun and the damage it can cause. I am going to be much more vigilant and careful with my exposure and also my kids.

I am always going to have a visual reminder of this experience... although I'm sure the scars with fade with time. I will think of them as my reminder of how truly blessed I am :)

This is a hard post for me to write. I have been thinking and thinking about how to approach what has recently transpired in our family and my emotions and feeling are constantly shifting. I have prayed and prayed to my Heavenly Father pleading for comfort and protection and I truly have felt many blessings through the love and kindness of my friends and family!

This story actually starts about a year ago. Last August I noticed a red spot on my right forearm that would not go away. It seemed dry and flaky but didn't itch or anything it just wouldn't go away. I finally went to see my dermatologist in February and she checked it out and said it was nothing to worry about and offered to just freeze it off for me. She did so and for a while it went white as she said it would (almost like a small scar). Then in July/Aug of this year I noticed the spot turning red again and looking about the same as it did in February prior to being frozen off. I made an appointment for the middle of September to go see my dermatologist again. She looked at it and said it was still OK but she advised either freezing it off again and taking a small biopsy and having it looked at. I decided to go ahead with the biopsy (THANKS HEAVENS!!). I went on with my life not overly worried or concerned at all. Infact I was beginning to think I needed to call into her office and see what the results were when on October 11th she called me and told me that the spot had been reviewed by 2 different experts and was looking like a melanoma....... WOW, I was shocked to say the least! She told me that an exact diagnosis could not be made because the biopsy was too small and the cells extended past the margins they took. She immediately referred me to a plastic surgeon to have surgery. My world sortof came crashing down on me. Here I am trying to care for a new baby- how can this be happening now???

The last week and half have been pretty much a blur.

Tuesday Oct 11th- got the initial call, made an appointment to see the plastic surgeon for Thursday which was a blessing because originally he said he wouldn't be able to get me in until the 24th- but my dermatologist made a call and he fit me in sooner!

Wednesday Oct 12th- My mom, grandma, and sister were coming over to just hang out and Katie's school calls me and tells me that she was hurt at recess. I went up to the school and she told me that she had hit heads with another kid running in when the bell rang. She had a bad headache and was dizzy. I brought her home and as soon as we got home she started throwing up. It was a blessing that my mom and sister were there because my mom came with me to the emergency room and Amy my grandma stayed home with Brielle and Jessie. Katie threw up about 8 times in the next 5 hours and the ER Dr. recommended a CT scan to make sure there was no internal bleeding. Luckily it was just a concussion and there was nothing else on the CT scan to worry about. WHAT A BLESSING!!

Thursday Oct 13- Had an appointment with plastic surgeon to talk about a treatment plan for my arm. He advised that we get a bigger biopsy so that we could no exactly what we are dealing with. Depending on how deep the Melanoma was depends on how much tissue they remove surrounding it. I really wanted surgery done as soon as possible. Not only to have it done and over with but the biggest reason was insurance. When I was pregnant with Jessie we qualified for me to go on Maternity Medicaid which covers me though my pregnancy and for 2 months after the babies birth. So my medicaid coverage extends until the end of October. My regular insurance is crappy to say the least so I really wanted to get it done ASAP. He said that usually it can take 2 weeks to get biopsy results back but he would send it in as a rush and we would hopefully be able to get surgery scheduled before the end of the month. So the fact that I will have this extra coverage is a HUGE blessing for us financially.

Friday Oct 14-Sunday 16th- The HARDEST most humbling days of my life so far. I did a lot of praying and searching for peach and comfort. I feared the worst. I was afraid they would call me and tell me news of a deep cancer invading my entire body. I cried ALOT!! I was so anxious and scared I hardly slept. I recieved some very sweet blessings from my husband who I am so extremely blessed to have in my life. He has been such a source of comfort for me. I know this experience has not been easy on him either but he has been so strong and his confidence that everything will be OK helps calm my nerves. I HATE waiting!!!

Monday Oct 24th- recieved a call from my dermatologist letting me know the results for my 2nd biopsy. The diagnosis was a Stage 1B Melanoma .81 mm deep with a mitotic rate=1. I have had to do tons of research to even understand what any of this means. But apparently anything under 1 mm is considered a thin melanoma and the prognosis is very good to be removed with surgery alone. The concern they have is the mitotic rate which means that there was at least 1 cell dividing in the sample so they know it was growing and could be aggressive. The lower the mitotic rate the better and its low so that's good. So it was good news as far as bad news goes.

But then all the sudden my anxiety levels sky rocked and I start worrying about several other moles and spots on my body that seem unusual to me. even though I had done a full body check with my dermatologist in February I figured if she missed this, she could have missed more....

Tuesday Oct 18th- I make an emergency appointment to see my dermatologist again and have her do a full body check. She looks at several spots that concern me. I had an unusual mole on my breast that kind of had a weird ring around it. I had one on my belly that had a dark spot on one side and a raised mole on my arm. She removed all of these and said she would have them looked at. She said she would try hard to get the results back so we could still schedule surgery for next week. Now I was back to waiting and dreading the worst. Was I going to have several melanomas that required surgery .. could any of these be worse then the one on my arm?? these spots looked more like Melanomas then the one on my arm ever did... I was a mess.. My sweet friend Jen came over when I got home from the Dr's because Greg had to work and she just stayed with me and helped organize my kids clothes, and do laundry. It was such a blessing to have someone with me to keep me company and to help me. My house had started falling apart and I was overwhelmed. I am so blessed to have such GREAT friends. Thanks Jen :) I LOVE you!!!

Wednesday Oct 19- My wonderful Mother offered to take a few days from work to come and be with me. I just did not want to be alone. I knew my kids were aware of something going on because I was crying constantly. They needed someone to come and take care of them. I was trying to reassure them it was OK but I was falling apart. I talked with my plastic surgeon and he was going to schedule surgery for next Wednesday. I felt OK about that but starting asking some questions about his specialties and based on some research I decided to be reffered to a Surgical Oncologist at IMC. By some stroke of miracle (another blessing) she was able to get me an appointment that very day. So my mom and Greg went with me to meet with her. Dr Bowles specializes in Melanomas and I immediately knew I was at the right place. She did another very thorough search of my entire body and said she would schedule surgery for Friday. 2 days away!! She also said she would get the results on the biopsies just done yesterday by the next day. She made a call and it was all taken care of. Everything was just falling into place and I knew my Heavenly Father knew that my nerves couldn't last another week. That night my bishopric stopped by for a visit. They gave me an amazing blessing that really helped. I was starting to feel much better. I knew that in just a few days I would have a lot more answers and that at least the surgery would be over!

Thursday Oct 20th- My amazing mom came out again and just cleaned my house and took care of my kids while I slept. I also knew I had to pump milk because I would need to pump and dump for at least 24 hours with Jessie and she wasn't really taking bottles. My mom helped feed her some bottles and she was taking them fine. Just another blessing- my baby would not starve while I was having surgery and recovering. I waited and waited all day for the results of the other biopsies and finally at about 4:30 they called me and the results were clear! YAY what a relief. My surgeon said she would see me at 7:30am the next morning.... OMgoodness now I was facing having major surgery, I hadn't even really thought about that yet! Another sweet blessing from my husband gave me the peace I needed to get as best a good night rest as I could. Also my brother and sister in law had their baby. Liam James Jones was born at 9:33 and weighed 6lb10oz- how could this not be the greatest blessing ever!

Friday Oct 21st- DAY of SURGERY I arrive at the hospital at 7:30 and they get me checked in. I had to be sent over to radiology to have lymph-node mapping done. This procedure is done by ingecting a radioactive material at the site of the melanoma. Then they take pictures of what the Sentinal (or primary) lymph-node is that drains that area. Then in surgery they will remove 1 or 2 lymph-nodes to be checked for cancer cells. Up until this point I was handling things well. But as I am in this big machine holding very still while they get pictures my anxiety shot up. I started thinking about how crazy this has all been and why am I going through this right now. I am so young and my kids are so young. I shouldn't have to be dealing with it-- its just too much! But when I came out of the scan my sweet husband was standing there waiting for me with a huge hug! They wheeled me back over to same day surgery and as soon as we got back they were ready for me in the OR. It all happened so fast which is definetly a blessing because I thought I was going to have to wait a few more hours for surgery. I don't know if I could have handled that. They took me up immediately and I had to say good by to Greg- that was hard. I was now all alone. But as I laid outside the OR on my gurney I knew my Heavenly Father was with me. The anesthesiologist said he was just going to give me something to take the edge off... I was staring at the ceiling and next thing I know its all over.

Recovery- I stayed in the recovery room for a little while. My arm was hurting- really bad! They gave me something and I was feeling better. The wheeled me into another room and Greg was there! I LOVE him so much- it was so good to see him. I had survived- I know it seems silly but I really was scared. The Dr. came in and let us know that everything went well. They removed a margin of 1cm around the site and also removed 2 lymph-nodes in my armpit. These looked good to the eye but there is something like a 20% chance that they could contain cancer cells. I am feeling confident that 80%chance they are OK is pretty good odds. We will find out hopefully by Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest. I know my Heavenly Father is blessing me because I feel a peace that could only mean everything is going be OK. I'm not afraid. I will beat this no matter what.

I feel so blessed that we found the cancer when we did. I have always known I was at a higher risk for developing Melanomas because of my fair skin and red hair. But I never truly thought it would happen. I am going to be much for vigilant and aware of my body and I am confident that I can prevent it. I am buying stock in some sunscreen companies and buying me some big rimmed hats- its going to be AWESOME!